Funny Green Stuff
by Moonfire
Summary: Toppers and Peepers party up at Chug


GREEN STUFF  
  
Another long night had started at the bar, and Topper was sitting at his usual place when Private peepers came stalking in. His eyes were bloodshot and half closed, but he looked happy. He struck up a conversation with Topper and held out his long taloned hand.  
  
"Hey, you ever try this?" he said in a low voice. Topper saw a reefer in Peeper's hand. "You want a REAL buzz, smoke some of this stuff. It's the best. I got it from the best crop over the hill." He snickered like he knew a secret.   
  
"Better than liquor?" Topper scoffs, "You gotta be kidding, Peep." The scent of the weed is already wafting to Topper's sensitive nose, making him just a tad light-headed...and he likes it. "Well, let me try it." He took the joint and after a moment of scrutinizing it, he put it to his mouth and took a hit.  
  
Topper coughed briefly, then groaned happily as the drug took effect. "Wow..." he mumbled, "That IS good stuff..."  
  
Just then, a slow sentimental song started and Peepers started swaying.   
  
"Wow!" he droned. "I can SEE the music! Look at that light..." he pointed to the disco ball. "See how it spins and flashes? If you look at it long enough, you can see a whole different world in there..." he stares at it hypnotized and reaches out his arms to it.  
  
"Whoooooa...yeeeeaahhh," Topper droned, staring off into the light. He slowly waves his hands in front of his face. "It's like, it's like it's coming right at me..." He took another hit, and his eyes tried to slowly follow the various dancing lights around the bar.   
  
Peepers takes another long drag and leaned back contentedly on the counter. "That light kinda reminds me of Katia's eyes." he said dreamily, staring up. "She dosen't know I'm alive, man. This stuff makes me confident. If she comes in here, I'm going to ask her to dance. I know she really wants me. I can see it in her eyes. You shoulda seen the way she was staring at my butt when I first got here! Wooooooie! She's the strong, silent type, so she's keeping it to herself. She ever come in here, Toppie?"  
  
"Yeeeahh, Peepee, she does oncein a awhile. Usssuuually, ol' Speede watches over her like a hawk. Didjaknow those two were an item? Iw as stunned into silence when I found that Speede was in love. But he's too stiff for someone like her. I watch people..." took another long drag..."I know that she's got a soft, funny side...it's just blaring out for ya, dude."  
  
Peepers laughs hilariously, draping himself over the bar. "If Speede were any stiffer, he'd be frozen!"  
  
...  
  
Katia, rather bored for once, decided that perhaps a trip to the bar won't kill her. When she enters, a soldier on the dance floor wolf-whistled and she glared him into silence, like she usually did.  
  
But...something about her demeanor was different tonight. She had a bit too much caffeene at lunch time and she was rather hyper, although trying desperately not to show it. She spotted Topper and Peepers at the bar and rolled her eyes.  
  
"Are you boys behaving yourselves?" she asked, sounding coy, but not meaning to.  
  
Peepers stopped dancing and fell down on his knees, gazing up at her in a dazed dream. Heaven must be missing an angel!" he proclaimed to his idol. "Dance with me, dreamwoman!"  
  
Katia looked at him like she'd just love to take a heavy stick to his head an dropped her jaw open in shock.  
  
"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!?!?!" She paused and looked from Topper back to Peepers incredulously. "D - DREAMWOMAN??? WHAT on EARTH have you been SMOKING?"  
  
Topper grins hugely, his face joyous, and then stuck the joint directly under Katia's nose. "THIS is what we're smoking, Colonel, ma'am. Pssssst," he added, "Peepee here's got a major crush on you! SHHH! It's a SECRET!"  
  
Peepers is still giddy. "Yeah, Shhh! Nobody's supposed to know!" he staggered around laughing, then clapped Topper on the back. "Don't tell her I'd like to dance, either!"  
  
Unfortunately, when Topper stuck the joint under her nose, katia inhaled a good deal of the smoke. She looked around dizzily, not high, but getting there.  
  
"Get real, you little parasite!" She mumbled, looking around the bar and trying to keep from tippin gover. She looked at Topper's drink numbly for a moment, then grabbed it suddenly and chugged it down.  
  
"Mine." she said rather dumbly and stared at the little aphid in hands.  
  
Peepers thought she was talking about him, and wrapped his arms around her. Katia yelped and almost fell off the barstool trying to get the little maggot off her. "Would you get off me?! You're half my age, you little pervert! GET OFF!" She pushed him into Topper accidently.  
  
Topper stumbled sideways, just bracing himself against the bar-rail to keep from barrelling into the next ant. His white wings buzzed uncontrollably and he emitted a choked laugh.  
  
"WHOA! Hey there, slow the horsey down, Peepe," he slurred as he got to his feet. "You gotta bo cool with the women. If ya go around hugging every female you meet you're liable to get your wings stuck up where the sun don't shine." He regained his balance and sized up the nearest worker girl. "Watch the master at work."  
  
He drunkenly sidled up to the female, his long antennae held high and wings flared in a comical attempt to make himself look bigger and buffer. Unfortunately, such body language had no bearing to a non-pilot, and the female only glanced at him as if he were some sort of alien parasite.  
  
"Hey there," Topper began, failing to notice that the girl's soldier boyfriend had just returned from the bar behind him. "I was just over there and I couldn't help but be absolutely drawn over here. Y'see, I have this built-in sensor that alerts me to something incredibly beautiful, and I think I just found it..." He smiled and leaned forward right before the soldier behind him growled and grabbed him by the wing roots, yanking him backward and sending him skidding aross the ground into the bar at Peeper's feet.   
  
"THAT, my friend," Topper groans, "is how to be rejected by women..."  
  
Down the bar a little Talon is watching with amusement...there's nothing more he'd like to see than to have Speede see katia with Peepers. That would cause a breakup for sure...He chuckled to himself. And then, perhaps, things could go back to the way they were.  
  
Peepers just leaned on the bar, laughing and looking at Katia with bloodshot, lovestruck eyes, totally oblivious to her rejection of him. He was so high he just thought she was playing. After Topper got thrown into him, he knocks Peepers to the floor. Peepers gets knocked on the head and laid at Katia's feet, his head on her toes.  
  
Katia grimaced and moved, trying to get away from the annoying little bug on her feet. She spied Talon down the bar and gave him a withering stare, to which he replied by giving an innocent - if sharptoothed - grin.  
  
Turning away, kat saw Peepers recovering. She debated whether or not to knock him out...permanently.  
  
As if on cue, a tall, beastial shadow darkened the entrance to the bar. Terrified workers cleared the way as Speede stalked to the bar. His nostrils flared and his antennae twitched unconsciously as he entered, testing the air and trying to see if katia is present. Instead of smelling her, he got a double shot fo his brother and the weed. Speede growled in disgust and plopped down at the far end of the bar, giving up the search almost immediately.  
  
Topper, meanwhile, was working on the last shreds of the joint and casting goofy-high smiles at nearby females. He offers the last of the stub to either Katia or Peepres, and then goes back to his beer.   
  
Peepers spied Jade talking to Dart by the door and went over to her, still stoned. "Hey..." he winks, sizing her up. "Will you be my dreamwoman? Katia dosen't like me anymore. Will you dance with me?" He extends his hand, trying to be charming in his drugged-up state.  
  
Jade giggles hysterically, as does Dart. "Why don't you give us some of whatever you've been smoking, eh?" Jade nudges him lightly. Dart snickers. "Yeah! Gettin' down and funky is what we're good at..."  
  
"Funky's my middle name!" Peepers winks, doling out some of the leftover pot. "You'll BOTH be my dreamwomen." He put his arms around both of them, leaning in close and giving their shoulders a little squeeze.  
  
Dart considers the pot for amoment, while Jade immediately takes a deep puff of it, her head spinning. "Heeeeeeeeyyy! She looks at Peepers and falls all over him.  
  
Dart, jealous, takes a huge, deep swig of the stuff and promptly falls over, staring up at Peepers dreamily. Peepers staggered under the weight and fell on the floor, laughing hysterically. "This is how we dance around here!" he said, trying to get up. He was laughing so hard he couldn't get the energy to push them off. "This is what we call a slooooowwww dance."  
  
Jade, totally stoned, took another drag and bit down playfully on one of Peepers antennas. Dart rolled over, tried to get up, failed miserably and landed rather hard face down on Peepers' chest.   
  
"I...w-wanna DANCE!" Jade said suddenly, letting go of Peeper's antennae and staggering to her feet.   
  
"Down, girl!" Peepers laughs, yelping as Jade bites his antenna. "You too, nympho..let's ALL dance! Com'on, girls, we're takin' OVER!" He ran out to the dance floor and cleared a wide path as a fast dance song blasted out. "Wooooooo!" Peepers yelled, drawing all heads and breaking out into a crazy dance. "Try to keep up with me, girls!"  
  
Jade giggles with glee and dances wildly to the funky beat. Dart, to prove how stoned she is, dosen't atually dance, but flies wildly around in place, bumping occasionally into the ceiling. Jade suddenly turns and tackles Peepers around the waist, giggling hysterically. "Come to me, Dreamman!" Dart promptly lands and says rather peevishly, "He's MY dreamman, too!"  
  
Just then, Jade saw Hunter in the crowd, and with a quick exclamation, ran off. Dart smiled with satisfaction. "Well, I guess that's settled!"  
  
"Let's get outta here." Peepers said, and they both staggered out of the bar. 


End file.
